Proselytize versus Testify

Definitions from Merriam-Webster (note that there are additional meanings to these words, these are just the ways I’m using the words in this blog post.

Proselytize: “to recruit or convert especially to a new faith, institution, or cause”

Testify: “ to make a statement based on personal knowledge or belief : bear witness”

I recall being asked to read a piece for a writers group, where the author was concerned about sounding preachy. It was in that context where it became clearer to me what causes something to feel “preachy” versus the sharing of a personal experience.

In my opinion, the words “you should” don’t belong in memoir. They belong in self-help books. Memoir is more about sharing a story - a story of learning and change. It is up to the reader what they wish to take from the memoir, not the writer.

Writing a self-help book is different. In that case, the reader is expecting the author to provide them with specific advice on what to do. The reader is asking for advice by reading the book.

Take for example these two passages:

Once I learn how the system works, for every appointment thereafter, I bring a sweatshirt that zips up the front. After changing into a gown, I put on my sweatshirt. I sit in a chair, not on the exam table. I don’t feel like I’m undressed, and I don’t get cold. When the doctor comes in, I ask all the questions I need to ask. We have a conversation about my care. When it comes time for the exam, I hop onto the examining table, unzip and remove my sweatshirt. Immediately after the exam is complete, I put my sweatshirt back on and sit back down in the chair, no longer a specimen on display.

Versus

To feel empowered during a doctor’s appointment, you should bring a sweatshirt that zips up at the front. Then you can put it on and not feel like you are undressed while waiting for the doctor. Also, you should sit where you are most comfortable, rather than feeling the need to sit on the exam table.

When I write about cancer I’m careful to write about my experience. For example, when I talk about shaving my head I explain why I decided to shave my head. There are both practical (less mess) and emotional (taking back power) reasons for it. In that way, I am testifying. I am sharing my lived reality. I would never tell another cancer survivor that they should shave their head. That would cross a line into giving unsolicited advice, something that too many people feel free to give cancer survivors.

In the same way, it is OK for you to testify about the role God plays in your life. That does not bother me. What bothers me is when that testimony shifts and changes to proselytizing, telling me what I should do. For me, that is not OK. If you do it in your book, I will put the book down and stop reading. I didn’t pick the book up to be preached at.

Keeping my memoir about my experiences and my reflections on my experience is how I avoid sounding preachy.